The Insane Ramblings of a Garden Statue During Times of War
by sweetiepie08
Summary: Even as a statue, Discord can sense when there is disharmony in Equestria. He also knows that they know he has the power to end it. He's not exactly thrilled about being thought of as a weapon, but he'd put up with it if that's what it would take to get him out of that stone. Besides, he thought being a weapon had a bit more dignity in it than being a decoration.


Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony. I may add more chapters regarding Discord's commentary on other major battles in Equestria.

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Well, if it isn't the Princesses. I knew you'd be coming and not just because I've been in here so long I've learned to hear the differences in your hoofsteps. You always walk through the statue garden when you need inspiration for a new strategy, and as always you will bend over backwards to come up with a strategy that avoids the use of either of Equestria's two most powerful sources of magic: the Elements of Harmony and me.

You think I don't know you've considered it? You know I'd be the perfect draconequus to break up the monotony of that dreadful place. But oh, what if I go rouge? What if I won't do it? What if I turn the streets into trampolines and those ponies actually have some fun for a change? I do pride myself on being unpredictable, but when have I ever passed up an opportunity to spread chaos? Especially when I get to do it while messing with one of my top 5 most hated ponies of all time. (Care to guess who else tops my list?)

I am well aware of the state that the Crystal Empire is in, and not just because of the loose lipped guards and staff that wander through here. I learned long ago that how detach my consciousness from my body and let it roam freely around the world. True, I need my body to use my magic and spread chaos, but even just observing the rest of the world beats the Tartarus out of listening to ponies stroll through this statue garden day-in and day-out. Not that it hasn't been an absolute pleasure to listen to the inane gossip of your staff ponies. (By the way, did you know that Thunder Run from night watch is seeing Sweet Sauce from the kitchen, even though he just broke up with Sunny Showers from grounds keeping? Oh the scandal!) Once I sensed the disharmony in the Crystal Empire, I immediately went to get a look for myself.

Wait, I hope you haven't forgotten that I can sense disharmony, another one of my many talents. (I've also been told I am a genius kazoo player. Get me out of this stone and you can listen for yourself.) I always could, but it being one of the only two senses I have left, it's only been amplified since you turned me into stone. And once I sense it, I always fly straight to the source to soak up the delicious chaos. This spell can't keep me here forever. I gain a little power every time I soak up a little more chaos. I'll admit, what I can get this way is about the equivalent to filling barrel with water one drop at a time, but as you know, I have all the time in the world. But still, what I would give to have some disharmony right here in front of me. Even just a little spat between fillies would give me more power than you could imagine.

But, you know what I've learned through all of this, especially with the happenings in the Crystal Empire? I've learned that not all disharmony comes from chaos. And when I got there, I nearly choked on all of the absolute control, the horrifying order, the toxic regulation! AH! My eyes! It burns! I would happily put an end to it if I could. This is precisely what happens when there is no spontaneity in the world; no variety, no freedom, no creativity, no change, no fun. Take a good look, ladies. This is what the world comes to when there is no chaos in it. I hope you're pleased with yourselves.

Oh, who am I kidding? You must be pleased with yourselves. After all, aren't you two the ponies who put General Sombra, (oh wait, he's going by King Sombra these days, isn't he?) in the perfect position to take over? Wasn't it you who approved his plan to investigate the hidden power of the Crystal Empire? Didn't you make him temporary monarch so that he would have all of the power and resources necessary to harness it? Why, this miserable totalitarian state must be the outcome you expected. Oh wait, it's not? Well then, I guess it's not your fault. After all, who could have predicted that a power-hungry control freak like Sombra would abuse his power to enslave an entire empire? I did! I did!

And ponies called_ me_ a power-hungry tyrant! Me! News flash, ponies! You can't be power-hungry when you already have all of the power that you want, and you can't be a ruler if you don't believe in enforcing rules (or even having rules for that matter). At least in my world, ponies had free agency. Ponies were free to use everything in their power to oppose me, and I was free to use everything in my power to outmaneuver every single one of them…alright, almost all of them.

But anyway, this isn't about my reign of terror (if you can even call it that. I'm certain everypony would have enjoyed it if they'd all just stopped panicking for a minute and looked around. What's so scary about pink checker board grass and fish swimming through the air anyway?) It's about Sombra's. Now I wonder how would you best fight a powerful, tyrannical dictator who is a real stickler for his rules and can hardly handle it when something is outside of his control? Diplomatic negotiations haven't worked. Sending in the Pegasus air force accomplished nothing. Calling on the most powerful mages in Equestria was more like trying stop a rampaging Ursa Major by pelting her with marshmallows. So now it comes down to your last two resorts: blast him with some pretty magical gemstones (the effects of which are not permanent, I'll remind you) or unleash the master of Chaos.

"The answer is no, Luna."

Oh dear Celestia, I detect a hint of bitterness in your voice. You're not still sore, are you?

"But sister, Sombra's power grows stronger with each passing minute. Who's to say he won't also try to take control of all of Equestria? This is exactly the type of thing that Discord exists to combat."

Ah, little Woona! I always knew you were the smart one.

"I know that Discord kept the world free of oppressive restriction for thousands of years. That is his purpose. But he abused his power and became the oppressor. I cannot risk that happening again. "

Oppressor? Why, I never!

"But you are willing to risk draining the power of the Tree of Harmony?"

Yes, tell that glorified lamplighter.

"The Tree is still very robust. I am sure that the tree still has plenty of magic left in it."

But that magic won't last forever, will it? Not with the elements removed

"How long will it last, sister? A hundred more years? A thousand? Perhaps we can strike a deal with him. He's been out of commission for ten years. I'm sure he'd jump at the chance to use his powers again, even if we give him parameters to work within."

A deal? How about this deal? I get rid of that little pest for you, and you allow me to roam around freely doing whatever I wish. Sound fair?

"Discord is very good at finding his way out of a deal. If we free him, he will only continue to spread chaos and then we will have to use the Elements' magic to contain him again. We shall ride into battle ourselves and try to stop Sombra using our own magic. If that fails, we shall use the Elements as a last resort."

"Very well, sister. That does sound like the best course of action."

You're walking way? Fine! I can't say your plan will absolutely fail, but I do know it won't last. You can't rely on your Elements forever. Someday, their magic will run out and I will be free once again, along with everyone else you imprison with those trinkets, and what will you do then? You'll need my help and then you'd wish you made me your ally when you had the chance. Perhaps you'll catch me in a generous mood and I will help you, or maybe I'll just sit back and enjoy the chaos.


End file.
